Good teachers are THE key to our nation's prosperity. Let's make sure they are given the priority, motivation, education, and opportunities they deserve so they can ensure the future of our nation. Check out this article about the government's plan to increase spending for creating great teachers. If we really want to see our country thrive, restoring our education system should be our top priority. And that starts with great teachers.
http://www.ed.gov/news/press-releases/obama-administration-seeks-elevate-teaching-profession-duncan-launch-respect-pro
"We need to change society's views of teaching...where teachers are revered as thinkers, leaders, and nation builders. No other profession carries a greater burder for securing our economic future. No other profession holds out more promise of opportunity to children and young people from disadvantaged backgrounds. And no other profession deserves more respect."
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
aha(!) moments
So have you ever been sitting in class when all of a sudden you have an 'AHA!' moment? Well, I had one of those moments today. It was in my Postcolonial Lit class and we were discussing "Little Gidding" by TS Eliot. As I was scribbling down notes with my teacher lecturing in the background, all of a sudden something clicked and a light bulb went off in my head. Things that had once been unclear and seemingly irrelevant made complete sense now. During that moment of pure enlightenment, I had the urge to put down my pen and proclaim to the class and my teacher, and even to Eliot, "I GET IT!!!!" But, I resisted the urge, and instead am going to proclaim to the blogging world that "I GET IT!!!!"
For any of you that have ever read any Eliot you can probably relate to this feeling of enlightenment after finally figuring out what the heck he is talking about. His poetry is beautiful, but the subject matters he deals with and the language and form that he uses are usually very obscure and abstract. (This can be attributed to his religious beliefs, wordly education, and his role in the modernist movement of the early 20th century.) I'll give you an example:
"Either you had no purpose
Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured
And is altered in fulfilment. There are other places
Which also are the world's end, some at the sea jaws,
Or over a dark lake, in a desert or a city-
But this is the nearest, in place and time,
Now and in England."
Say what? (haha.) This sounds so beautiful and important, but I could not tell you what Eliot is trying to say here. This is how I felt after my first few readings of "Little Gidding" while I was preparing for class. I enjoyed reading these cool sounding phrases and tried to appreciate it, but I had no idea what he was talking about. At first I was frustrated with myself for not being able to understand. But then I actually became frustrated with Eliot for being too elaborate and pretentious and for what I perceived to be out of whack with reality. Now, I'm definitely not opposed to abstract or obscure thinking, but I sensed that he was being obscure on purpose and that annoyed me. It annoyed me because this purposeful obscurity and abstraction caused him to be out of touch with reality. He was so focused on abstract ideas that he was missing out on the experience of 'the right now.' He was missing out on life. And my reaction to this feeling? It made me want to live in the right now; to throw out any arbitrary, pointless rituals in my life and focus on emersing myself in the present. I didn't want to be like Eliot and be out of touch with reality by focusing on things that seemed too abstract and ritualistic just because society told me that's what I was supposed to do.
But then I had the AHA! moment. The feeling that I got from reading "Little Gidding" was exactly what Eliot wanted his audience to feel! (BRILLIANT!) He purposely used obscure and elaborate language and diction to add to the poignancy of his conclusion- that we need to focus on the present and not on process.
But this isn't even the coolest part of it. To understand that, first you must know a little bit about Eliot. Eliot was a deeply religious man and member of the High Anglican Church in England. (He was orginially a Unitarian from Mid-America, but on his quest for meaning and spirtual discovery he moved to England and became a member of the Anglican church.) He devoted the latter half of his life to the pursuit of knowledge and understanding Christianity and God. He yearned, struggled, and searched to find the essense of God and Christianity on a daily basis. "Little Gidding" deals with his struggle to come closer with God by overcoming his doubts and sense of unworthiness. And here's the cool part. The whole point of this poem, through all of its complexities, is that God accepts us and wants a relationship with us RIGHT NOW, just the way we are. Throughout the poem, Eliot is concerned with being good enough for God. He thinks that he has to prepare himself for God by performing a ton of rituals. He thinks he has to understand God before he has a relationship with Him. But as the poem goes on, Eliot realizes that God will accept him right now just the way he is if Eliot is willing to submit and live for Him. All of the religious rituals that are part of his life (that he thinks he has to do to prepare himself for God), are actually just pointless words and actions without the presense of God in them. This is why he uses the obscure language throughout the poem. Just like the rituals, they are beautiful, but don't really mean much without the presense of God. He also realizes that the only way he can truely understand God, is by having a relationship with Him, not the other way around.
This is a long poem and has many other cool ideas, but I thought this was the AHA! moment of Eliot's life. He finally realized that the relationship with God that he was yearning for can happen right now. He didn't have to prepare for God because God accepts you the way you are. So, maybe Eliot's ideas weren't so abstract after all. You don't have to live a perfect life, be a certain way, grow up in a certain place, know all sorts of Bible trivia, or how to perform Christian "rituals" for God to accept you or for you to start living for Him. First of all, none of that stuff means anything without the presense of God in your life. And secondly, God wants a relationship with you right now. The only way to understand Him is when you have a personal relationship with Him.
So, the moral of the story is that you don't have to live a perfect "Christian" life or understand everything about God for God to accept you. He will take you just the way you are right now. So don't focus on the preparation, focus on the present. God wants to show you His love and for you to experience His awesomeness right now. Then your real transformation will begin as you come to understand Him. Trust me, this is a relationship that you don't want to miss out on.
For any of you that have ever read any Eliot you can probably relate to this feeling of enlightenment after finally figuring out what the heck he is talking about. His poetry is beautiful, but the subject matters he deals with and the language and form that he uses are usually very obscure and abstract. (This can be attributed to his religious beliefs, wordly education, and his role in the modernist movement of the early 20th century.) I'll give you an example:
"Either you had no purpose
Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured
And is altered in fulfilment. There are other places
Which also are the world's end, some at the sea jaws,
Or over a dark lake, in a desert or a city-
But this is the nearest, in place and time,
Now and in England."
Say what? (haha.) This sounds so beautiful and important, but I could not tell you what Eliot is trying to say here. This is how I felt after my first few readings of "Little Gidding" while I was preparing for class. I enjoyed reading these cool sounding phrases and tried to appreciate it, but I had no idea what he was talking about. At first I was frustrated with myself for not being able to understand. But then I actually became frustrated with Eliot for being too elaborate and pretentious and for what I perceived to be out of whack with reality. Now, I'm definitely not opposed to abstract or obscure thinking, but I sensed that he was being obscure on purpose and that annoyed me. It annoyed me because this purposeful obscurity and abstraction caused him to be out of touch with reality. He was so focused on abstract ideas that he was missing out on the experience of 'the right now.' He was missing out on life. And my reaction to this feeling? It made me want to live in the right now; to throw out any arbitrary, pointless rituals in my life and focus on emersing myself in the present. I didn't want to be like Eliot and be out of touch with reality by focusing on things that seemed too abstract and ritualistic just because society told me that's what I was supposed to do.
But then I had the AHA! moment. The feeling that I got from reading "Little Gidding" was exactly what Eliot wanted his audience to feel! (BRILLIANT!) He purposely used obscure and elaborate language and diction to add to the poignancy of his conclusion- that we need to focus on the present and not on process.
But this isn't even the coolest part of it. To understand that, first you must know a little bit about Eliot. Eliot was a deeply religious man and member of the High Anglican Church in England. (He was orginially a Unitarian from Mid-America, but on his quest for meaning and spirtual discovery he moved to England and became a member of the Anglican church.) He devoted the latter half of his life to the pursuit of knowledge and understanding Christianity and God. He yearned, struggled, and searched to find the essense of God and Christianity on a daily basis. "Little Gidding" deals with his struggle to come closer with God by overcoming his doubts and sense of unworthiness. And here's the cool part. The whole point of this poem, through all of its complexities, is that God accepts us and wants a relationship with us RIGHT NOW, just the way we are. Throughout the poem, Eliot is concerned with being good enough for God. He thinks that he has to prepare himself for God by performing a ton of rituals. He thinks he has to understand God before he has a relationship with Him. But as the poem goes on, Eliot realizes that God will accept him right now just the way he is if Eliot is willing to submit and live for Him. All of the religious rituals that are part of his life (that he thinks he has to do to prepare himself for God), are actually just pointless words and actions without the presense of God in them. This is why he uses the obscure language throughout the poem. Just like the rituals, they are beautiful, but don't really mean much without the presense of God. He also realizes that the only way he can truely understand God, is by having a relationship with Him, not the other way around.
This is a long poem and has many other cool ideas, but I thought this was the AHA! moment of Eliot's life. He finally realized that the relationship with God that he was yearning for can happen right now. He didn't have to prepare for God because God accepts you the way you are. So, maybe Eliot's ideas weren't so abstract after all. You don't have to live a perfect life, be a certain way, grow up in a certain place, know all sorts of Bible trivia, or how to perform Christian "rituals" for God to accept you or for you to start living for Him. First of all, none of that stuff means anything without the presense of God in your life. And secondly, God wants a relationship with you right now. The only way to understand Him is when you have a personal relationship with Him.
So, the moral of the story is that you don't have to live a perfect "Christian" life or understand everything about God for God to accept you. He will take you just the way you are right now. So don't focus on the preparation, focus on the present. God wants to show you His love and for you to experience His awesomeness right now. Then your real transformation will begin as you come to understand Him. Trust me, this is a relationship that you don't want to miss out on.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
how to save a life
"He who saves the life of one man, saves the entire world."
I still remember the first time I heard this old Hebrew proverb. It was two years ago and all of my roommates and friends had gone home for winter break and I, having one final left, was stuck in the deserted college-town studying and having to entertain myself for a few more days until I got to go home too. I found myself in Blockbuster one night on a study break (I wouldn't recommend this sort of place for a study break), and the next thing I knew I had rented four movies (and that's why I don't recommend them), one of them being Schindler's List. I had always heard good things about it, but nobody had ever told me that this was one of those movies that you don't watch alone simply because it is so heart-wrenching and powerful. I arrived home and eagerly popped the movie into the DVD player expecting to be greatly-moved and profoundly impacted. What I wasn't expecting was the amount of tissues I would need. Within the first minutes of the movie, the waterworks began and didn't desist until an hour after the movie had ended. There were many poignant and powerfully moving scenes and dialogue throughout the film, but when the movie's protagonist proclaimed this Hebrew proverb at the end of the movie, it stuck. I barely heard it through my own crying. And I remember the moment perfectly: I heard it, paused the movie, replayed the scene twice, and realized that in that instance my persepctive of the world had changed forever because of those 12 words.
It's difficult for me to describe in words the impact that this statement of proverbial wisdom has made on me and my outlook on the world. It has come to shape how I perceive and treat others. What I love about it is that it proclaims and elucidates the importance of the individual. Every single person that exists, has existed, or will exist, matters because God created them. Their personality, character, thoughts, actions, achievements, relationships, choices, values, beliefs, desires, and passions (and whatever else makes a person) make an impact on the world in some way or another. Each person is important and beautiful and deserves to be noticed and appreciated. So, in a way, each life is the world. And what I really love about this proverb is what it suggests about our actions toward the world (the literal and implied meaning of the world). By saving one person, you are saving the world. But here's the cool part. You don't have to literally save somebody to save the world (although that would be incredible). With the right mindset, saving the world can be easy. And the secret for saving the world is...drum roll please...LOVE!!! By SHOWING love to another person, you can save the world. It's that simple, my friends. SHOWING love to somebody else is showing that other person how important they are as an individual and giving them a completely different view on life. (Showing love is the key here because actions speak louder than words.)
I can give a brief example of this idea in action. My dad, who would never ever admit this to anyone because he is one of the most humble people I know, saved somebody's life one time (well he's saved MANY lives, but he saved one life in this example). When he was in college, he was a razorback football player. He started his collegiate football career as a walk-on, but as the seasons went on, his coach took notice of his importance to the team and wanted to show him that by offering him a scholarship to play (at that time my dad was paying for his own college). But, my dad did not accept the scholarship. He told his coach to give the scholarship that was meant for him to somebody else on the team who really needed it. By
giving away his scholarship to somebody else, my dad gave an opportunity to somebody who otherwise may not have had it. That scholarship allowed that person to get an education and that education not only helped that person grow, but gave them a job, and a way of life, and everything else. He helped someone else reach their goals. He showed love to somebody else and valued that individual's life more than his own. Now that is saving the world.
There are many, many opportunities to show love to others. Offer a compliment to your waitress. Lend an ear to a friend in need. If you see somebody walking alone at night, give them a ride. Sit next to the person sitting by themselves in class and be their friend. Donate clothes that you don't need to the Good Will. Mow your neighbor's lawn for free. Call people you love and let them know. Do the dishes for your roommate. Find an organization to be involved in that serves the community. If you have the opportunity, go on a long term mission trip/volunteer trip. There are SO many opportunities to show love. You just have to be aware of the world around you because there are many opportunities right in your own backyard, or maybe sitting in the chair across from you. The moral of the story here kids is to put others before yourself because you have no idea how much of a difference you will make in somebody elses' life. In fact, you can save the world.
I still remember the first time I heard this old Hebrew proverb. It was two years ago and all of my roommates and friends had gone home for winter break and I, having one final left, was stuck in the deserted college-town studying and having to entertain myself for a few more days until I got to go home too. I found myself in Blockbuster one night on a study break (I wouldn't recommend this sort of place for a study break), and the next thing I knew I had rented four movies (and that's why I don't recommend them), one of them being Schindler's List. I had always heard good things about it, but nobody had ever told me that this was one of those movies that you don't watch alone simply because it is so heart-wrenching and powerful. I arrived home and eagerly popped the movie into the DVD player expecting to be greatly-moved and profoundly impacted. What I wasn't expecting was the amount of tissues I would need. Within the first minutes of the movie, the waterworks began and didn't desist until an hour after the movie had ended. There were many poignant and powerfully moving scenes and dialogue throughout the film, but when the movie's protagonist proclaimed this Hebrew proverb at the end of the movie, it stuck. I barely heard it through my own crying. And I remember the moment perfectly: I heard it, paused the movie, replayed the scene twice, and realized that in that instance my persepctive of the world had changed forever because of those 12 words.
It's difficult for me to describe in words the impact that this statement of proverbial wisdom has made on me and my outlook on the world. It has come to shape how I perceive and treat others. What I love about it is that it proclaims and elucidates the importance of the individual. Every single person that exists, has existed, or will exist, matters because God created them. Their personality, character, thoughts, actions, achievements, relationships, choices, values, beliefs, desires, and passions (and whatever else makes a person) make an impact on the world in some way or another. Each person is important and beautiful and deserves to be noticed and appreciated. So, in a way, each life is the world. And what I really love about this proverb is what it suggests about our actions toward the world (the literal and implied meaning of the world). By saving one person, you are saving the world. But here's the cool part. You don't have to literally save somebody to save the world (although that would be incredible). With the right mindset, saving the world can be easy. And the secret for saving the world is...drum roll please...LOVE!!! By SHOWING love to another person, you can save the world. It's that simple, my friends. SHOWING love to somebody else is showing that other person how important they are as an individual and giving them a completely different view on life. (Showing love is the key here because actions speak louder than words.)
I can give a brief example of this idea in action. My dad, who would never ever admit this to anyone because he is one of the most humble people I know, saved somebody's life one time (well he's saved MANY lives, but he saved one life in this example). When he was in college, he was a razorback football player. He started his collegiate football career as a walk-on, but as the seasons went on, his coach took notice of his importance to the team and wanted to show him that by offering him a scholarship to play (at that time my dad was paying for his own college). But, my dad did not accept the scholarship. He told his coach to give the scholarship that was meant for him to somebody else on the team who really needed it. By
giving away his scholarship to somebody else, my dad gave an opportunity to somebody who otherwise may not have had it. That scholarship allowed that person to get an education and that education not only helped that person grow, but gave them a job, and a way of life, and everything else. He helped someone else reach their goals. He showed love to somebody else and valued that individual's life more than his own. Now that is saving the world.
There are many, many opportunities to show love to others. Offer a compliment to your waitress. Lend an ear to a friend in need. If you see somebody walking alone at night, give them a ride. Sit next to the person sitting by themselves in class and be their friend. Donate clothes that you don't need to the Good Will. Mow your neighbor's lawn for free. Call people you love and let them know. Do the dishes for your roommate. Find an organization to be involved in that serves the community. If you have the opportunity, go on a long term mission trip/volunteer trip. There are SO many opportunities to show love. You just have to be aware of the world around you because there are many opportunities right in your own backyard, or maybe sitting in the chair across from you. The moral of the story here kids is to put others before yourself because you have no idea how much of a difference you will make in somebody elses' life. In fact, you can save the world.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
windows
I love windows. I love opening them, sitting next to them, looking out of them, and the idea of them. I love how they connect you to nature even when you are inside. I love the light, the openness, the view, and the air that they give. The air even smells better (this is the best smell in the world.)and the music sounds more beautiful when they are open. I love how they blow your hair, the aroma of outside in, and the life back into you. I love that they are a personal weatherman. I love all kinds of windows; long ones, short ones; fat ones, skinny ones, big ones, small ones; open ones, closed ones; blinded ones, naked ones; and ones with different views. I love how they invite the outdoors in, and the indoors out. One day I will have a house with windows everywhere and with every kind of window. There will be BIG ones that make me feel like I'm outside, and itty bitty ones that give passerbys a surprise, burst of light. There will be some with seats next to them because books are better when read this way. Some will house flowers, others will have shades, and some will be nothing but glass. And you can bet that most of them will be open at all times of the day. Here are some of my favorite windows: 
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
"in spring it is the dawn"
Bon jour!
What a wonderful, early spring day! There's something so lovely and so promising about the arrival of a new season. Maybe its the hope of things to come, the newness, or the promise of a fresh start. New seasons also reawaken my awareness of nature.There's a new smell, a new temperture, a new ground, a new landscape, new sounds, a new sky, and even a new vibe- it's a sensory overload. And I love every moment of it. It makes me remember the beauty, no; the perfection, of God's creation.
Yesterday I talked a lot about my project in self discovery. Obviously this is going to require some introspection on my part. But, what I didn't articulate is the importance of extrospection, or an awareness/consideration of things external to the self. Introspection is part of the human experience, but extrospection is just as, or more important than introspection. Introspection is important for several reasons: 1) in order to know oneself- to know why you think, behave, value, and believe the way you do allows you to act with a purpose (you aren't just following something blindly). When you start living with purpose, this is when you are living life to the fullest. And 2) introspection forces you to set goals for yourself so that you have that purpose. You gain a sense of direction. Then you are able to evaluate whether your thoughts, behavior, values, and beliefs align with that purpose. But, without the other things outside of yourself, life just wouldn't be as awesome. Heck, it wouldn't be much of a life at all. These things EXPOSE you to life, so then you can apply life to yourself. If all you did was focus on yourself, you would become stuck in your own mind, with you own perspectives, and own ways. Decartes called it subjectivism. I call it close-minded. To have the full human experience you must also have an awareness of nature and culture, and most importantly God and others. My life's purpose is found in the Bible. When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment EVER was:
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
Living life for things outside of myself (God and others) has given me JOY and PEACE that I could never give to myself. Introspection is what has allowed me to see this.
What do you see as the purpose/goals of your life? Who/why/what are you living for? Are you aware and open minded to the world around you?
Anyways, many moons ago I read Sei Shonogon's "The Pillow Book." Sei had a wonderful sense of sight. And I'm not talking about eyesight. She had an incredible ability to see the world around her in a deeply insightful and sensitive way. Sei had a spiritual connection to the people, customs, and natural world around her that gave her a keen awareness and understanding that she so beautfully and clearly illustrates in "The Pillow Book." As you can tell, I'm rather fond of her and this book. (I think you need to read it!)
One of my favorite passages from the book is "In the Spring it is the Dawn." As the new season approaches us, I hope that your senses experience the sensory overload that mine and Sei's do. Life gets busy, and trust me I understand that (more than I want to), but don't forget to be aware of the world around you. "We live in a beautiful world. yeah we do, yeah we do." Don't miss it!
In the Spring it is the Dawn
What a wonderful, early spring day! There's something so lovely and so promising about the arrival of a new season. Maybe its the hope of things to come, the newness, or the promise of a fresh start. New seasons also reawaken my awareness of nature.There's a new smell, a new temperture, a new ground, a new landscape, new sounds, a new sky, and even a new vibe- it's a sensory overload. And I love every moment of it. It makes me remember the beauty, no; the perfection, of God's creation.
Yesterday I talked a lot about my project in self discovery. Obviously this is going to require some introspection on my part. But, what I didn't articulate is the importance of extrospection, or an awareness/consideration of things external to the self. Introspection is part of the human experience, but extrospection is just as, or more important than introspection. Introspection is important for several reasons: 1) in order to know oneself- to know why you think, behave, value, and believe the way you do allows you to act with a purpose (you aren't just following something blindly). When you start living with purpose, this is when you are living life to the fullest. And 2) introspection forces you to set goals for yourself so that you have that purpose. You gain a sense of direction. Then you are able to evaluate whether your thoughts, behavior, values, and beliefs align with that purpose. But, without the other things outside of yourself, life just wouldn't be as awesome. Heck, it wouldn't be much of a life at all. These things EXPOSE you to life, so then you can apply life to yourself. If all you did was focus on yourself, you would become stuck in your own mind, with you own perspectives, and own ways. Decartes called it subjectivism. I call it close-minded. To have the full human experience you must also have an awareness of nature and culture, and most importantly God and others. My life's purpose is found in the Bible. When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment EVER was:
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
Living life for things outside of myself (God and others) has given me JOY and PEACE that I could never give to myself. Introspection is what has allowed me to see this.
What do you see as the purpose/goals of your life? Who/why/what are you living for? Are you aware and open minded to the world around you?
Anyways, many moons ago I read Sei Shonogon's "The Pillow Book." Sei had a wonderful sense of sight. And I'm not talking about eyesight. She had an incredible ability to see the world around her in a deeply insightful and sensitive way. Sei had a spiritual connection to the people, customs, and natural world around her that gave her a keen awareness and understanding that she so beautfully and clearly illustrates in "The Pillow Book." As you can tell, I'm rather fond of her and this book. (I think you need to read it!)
One of my favorite passages from the book is "In the Spring it is the Dawn." As the new season approaches us, I hope that your senses experience the sensory overload that mine and Sei's do. Life gets busy, and trust me I understand that (more than I want to), but don't forget to be aware of the world around you. "We live in a beautiful world. yeah we do, yeah we do." Don't miss it!
In the Spring it is the Dawn
“ In spring it is the dawn that is most beautiful. As the light creeps over the hills, their outlines are dyed a faint red and wisps of purplish cloud trail over them.
In summer the nights. Not only when the moon shines, but on dark nights too, as the fireflies flit to and fro, and even when it rains, how beautiful it is!
In autumn, the evenings, when the glittering sun sinks close to the edge of the hills and the crows fly back to their nests in threes and fours and twos; more charming still is a file of wild geese, like specks in the distant sky. When the sun has set, one's heart is moved by the sound of the wind and the hum of the insects.
In winter the early mornings. It is beautiful indeed when snow has fallen during the night, but splendid too when the ground is white with frost; or even when there is no snow or frost, but it is simply very cold and the attendants hurry from room to room stirring up the fires and bringing charcoal, how well this fits the season's mood! But as noon approaches and the cold wears off, no one bothers to keep the braziers alight, and soon nothing remains but piles of white ashes.”
― Sei Shonagon
In summer the nights. Not only when the moon shines, but on dark nights too, as the fireflies flit to and fro, and even when it rains, how beautiful it is!
In autumn, the evenings, when the glittering sun sinks close to the edge of the hills and the crows fly back to their nests in threes and fours and twos; more charming still is a file of wild geese, like specks in the distant sky. When the sun has set, one's heart is moved by the sound of the wind and the hum of the insects.
In winter the early mornings. It is beautiful indeed when snow has fallen during the night, but splendid too when the ground is white with frost; or even when there is no snow or frost, but it is simply very cold and the attendants hurry from room to room stirring up the fires and bringing charcoal, how well this fits the season's mood! But as noon approaches and the cold wears off, no one bothers to keep the braziers alight, and soon nothing remains but piles of white ashes.”
― Sei Shonagon
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
a project in self discovery
Once I heard someone say that life is like a book and you are the author. I don't remember where I read this; perhaps it was on the back of a Dove chocolate wrapper or in some young adult fiction novel which are chalked full of these pithy cliches. Nevertheless, as a middle school student, I found this idea liberating. I realized that I had the freedom and responsiblity to 'write' my own life, just as if it were a book. But the daunting responsiblity of filling the pages of my life with interesting narratives left me feeling scared. What if my story wasn't a story I wanted to read or I was disappointed with the ending? (Who knew a 6th grader was capable of basic existential thoughts? haha!) So, I decided that I would start writing everything that happened to me down in a journal. By doing this, I would be able to analysize my life on paper and determine whether or not I was satisfied, and if I wasn't I would change it. Plus, being the sentimental person that I am, I wanted to hopefully share these stories with my children someday. Life was so important, I didn't want to forget a single moment. So I began to keep a personal archive where I wrote down everything I did every single day. Plus it was a way for me to express my inner most thoughts and feelings about cute boys, my critique on the latest Lizzie McGuire episode, and my angst with the popular kids. It was some pretty compelling work, complete with heart-dotted-I's and doodles of my dog Henry.
Of course life got in the way, as they say, and I pushed my journals to the side for basketball practice and spending time with friends. I forgot about them. But a few weeks ago as I was doing some cleaning around the house, I uncovered a few boxes of my middle school journals and notes from friends. I blew off the dust and sat for hours reading, remembering, and reminiscing on those forgotten days. I was very amused, as I'm sure most of you would be by looking back at middle school and your search for self identity. I forgot about that 6th grade version of myself, but am glad I uncovered her again because she will always be a part of who I am now.
With this blog, I am attempting to start journaling again, but with much different motives. Now, I must fore- warn you that I'm no writer, so this may not be the most beautifully written, grammatically correct, or profound thing you've ever read, and my lack of literary capability may even be painful at times, but the puropse of this journal is not to show off my creative genius; it is to be an instrument in my project for self discovery. And I promise, well for the most part, that I won't mention anything about cute boys or Lizzie McGuire in this blog (unless it adds to my objectives for this journal, which they very well may. you can never predict such things.)
Self discovery is a hard term to define. It can mean different things to different people. But maybe that's why its called self-discovery; by personally defining something, a person discovers something about themself. I still don't know how I define self discovery. Obviously I think it means to know yourself, but maybe its also being able to be vulnerable to yourself and not being afraid of your deepest, darkest places.
I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who I am, but I'm not satisfied with this. With anything in life, there is always more to learn. I think the first step in this is, atleast on my own personal journey toward self discovery, is finding some kind of consistency in my thoughts and actions. By finding consistency, I can begin to see the core of who I really am and why I think and behave the way I do. I'm not satisfied with simply being, and as Socrates so famously said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." But, as I've discovered, it is really difficult to find consistency. Michel de Montaigne also wrestles with his consistencies, or lack thereof, in his essay "Of the Inconsistency of Our Actions." Montaigne voices my thoughts (in much better writing and clarity) when he says:
If I speak variously of myself, it is because I consider myself variously; all the contrarieties are there to be found in one corner or another; after one fashion or another: bashful, insolent; chaste, lustful; prating, silent; laborious, delicate; ingenious, heavy; melancholic, pleasant; lying, true; knowing, ignorant; liberal, covetous, and prodigal: I find all this in myself, more or less, according as I turn myself about; and whoever will sift himself to the bottom, will find in himself, and even in his own judgment, this volubility and discordance. I have nothing to say of myself entirely, simply, and solidly without mixture and confusion.
I promise that I'm not bipolar (haha) and I'm actually very steadfast and rooted in my values and beliefs. But, at the same time, it would be nearly impossible for me to sit here and type out in words who I am. Could you do it? I'm sure many of you could relate. Every moment, I'm continually changing the way I think about myself, just like Montaigne in his essay. One moment I feel intellegent, the next I feel insuperior. At one moment I'm pleased, and the next I'm disappointed. But, contrary to much scholarly belief, I think it is possible to truely know oneself and to find ones consistencies. There are two ways to find your consistencies: 1) learn to articulate your feelings into words and 2) to look at your actions and how they align, or don't align; and if they are consisent, or inconsistent with your personal values and thoughts.
If you were to dissect my mind, you would be amid a chaotic mixture of confusion (as Montaigne suggests) and entangled in raw ideas and thoughts that don't really make sense to anyone else but myself. This is one of my problems; I have all sorts of cool ideas and opinions about things, but they are in their most simple, raw state. They have yet to be refined or articulated into comprehensible pieces of sharable or replicable information. So most of my ideas are more of a feeling. As suggested in the movie Inception (a very authoritative source, I know), the simplest type of an idea translates into a feeling. This is because you cannot express what you are thinking, so you just FEEL it. Thinking about that idea makes you feel a certain way. This is when you start acting without rational thought. So, I think that by creating a blog, I will teach myself to mold these raw ideas into real, tangible ideas. I want to practice the disciple of articulating my ideas into words as a step to self discovery. As I mentioned earlier, I already have a pretty good idea about who I am, but I want to continue in my quest of self discovery. Getting to know oneself is something one should never give up on, even if you think you know yourself. I don't plan on complacency. I don't plan on staying the same size my whole life. Do you? I want to grow and learn and exceed what I think I already know about myself because I know that is possible. The sky is not the limit (continuing with pithy cliches). Is there a limit for human capacity? I don't think so. That's why God gave us free will.
So the first step is articulating my thoughts. The next step is seeing the consistencies or inconsistencies of my thoughts, which inevitably lead to my actions, and thus guide me to self discovery. One of my favorite Montaigne quotes says, "One gallant action, therefore, ought not to conclude a man valiant; if a man were brave indeed, he would be always so, and upon all occasions." By writing out my thoughts (and pondering my actions), hopefully I will begin to see the pattern by which I live my life. The real me will be exposed.
I feel that expressing who you really are in those tangible ideas I was talking about earlier is a problem for a lot of people. As Virginia Woolf articulates in "A Sketch of the Past," most autobiographies or memoirs prove this. She says, "The reason is that it is so difficult to describe any human being. So they say: 'This is what happened'; but they do not say what that person was like to whom it happened." Although I do believe that a person's outward actions reveal a person's inner character, you can't really, really know a person without knowing their motives for those actions, or their inner character. This journal will help me to articulate my inner character for myself.
I realize this is an ambitious project. Besides learning how to put my thoughts in some sort of form that actually makes sense (things seem to make more sense in my head haha), exposing my inner-most thoughts is exposing myself to the world. It makes me vulnerable, and frankly I don't like that. This already shows me something about myself; that I don't like being vulnerable. But, that is something I must work on if I want to really know myself. I must allow myself to be vulnerable to myself.
Well, now I must go back to my homework. (I'm reading the Tain which is an Irish epic- definitely recommend it if you like blood, action, and 'romance' or atleast thats what they called romance in their day.) I'm sure you are all very sad that I'm done rambling on for now. But don't worry I'll be back.
Of course life got in the way, as they say, and I pushed my journals to the side for basketball practice and spending time with friends. I forgot about them. But a few weeks ago as I was doing some cleaning around the house, I uncovered a few boxes of my middle school journals and notes from friends. I blew off the dust and sat for hours reading, remembering, and reminiscing on those forgotten days. I was very amused, as I'm sure most of you would be by looking back at middle school and your search for self identity. I forgot about that 6th grade version of myself, but am glad I uncovered her again because she will always be a part of who I am now.
With this blog, I am attempting to start journaling again, but with much different motives. Now, I must fore- warn you that I'm no writer, so this may not be the most beautifully written, grammatically correct, or profound thing you've ever read, and my lack of literary capability may even be painful at times, but the puropse of this journal is not to show off my creative genius; it is to be an instrument in my project for self discovery. And I promise, well for the most part, that I won't mention anything about cute boys or Lizzie McGuire in this blog (unless it adds to my objectives for this journal, which they very well may. you can never predict such things.)
Self discovery is a hard term to define. It can mean different things to different people. But maybe that's why its called self-discovery; by personally defining something, a person discovers something about themself. I still don't know how I define self discovery. Obviously I think it means to know yourself, but maybe its also being able to be vulnerable to yourself and not being afraid of your deepest, darkest places.
I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who I am, but I'm not satisfied with this. With anything in life, there is always more to learn. I think the first step in this is, atleast on my own personal journey toward self discovery, is finding some kind of consistency in my thoughts and actions. By finding consistency, I can begin to see the core of who I really am and why I think and behave the way I do. I'm not satisfied with simply being, and as Socrates so famously said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." But, as I've discovered, it is really difficult to find consistency. Michel de Montaigne also wrestles with his consistencies, or lack thereof, in his essay "Of the Inconsistency of Our Actions." Montaigne voices my thoughts (in much better writing and clarity) when he says:
If I speak variously of myself, it is because I consider myself variously; all the contrarieties are there to be found in one corner or another; after one fashion or another: bashful, insolent; chaste, lustful; prating, silent; laborious, delicate; ingenious, heavy; melancholic, pleasant; lying, true; knowing, ignorant; liberal, covetous, and prodigal: I find all this in myself, more or less, according as I turn myself about; and whoever will sift himself to the bottom, will find in himself, and even in his own judgment, this volubility and discordance. I have nothing to say of myself entirely, simply, and solidly without mixture and confusion.
I promise that I'm not bipolar (haha) and I'm actually very steadfast and rooted in my values and beliefs. But, at the same time, it would be nearly impossible for me to sit here and type out in words who I am. Could you do it? I'm sure many of you could relate. Every moment, I'm continually changing the way I think about myself, just like Montaigne in his essay. One moment I feel intellegent, the next I feel insuperior. At one moment I'm pleased, and the next I'm disappointed. But, contrary to much scholarly belief, I think it is possible to truely know oneself and to find ones consistencies. There are two ways to find your consistencies: 1) learn to articulate your feelings into words and 2) to look at your actions and how they align, or don't align; and if they are consisent, or inconsistent with your personal values and thoughts.
If you were to dissect my mind, you would be amid a chaotic mixture of confusion (as Montaigne suggests) and entangled in raw ideas and thoughts that don't really make sense to anyone else but myself. This is one of my problems; I have all sorts of cool ideas and opinions about things, but they are in their most simple, raw state. They have yet to be refined or articulated into comprehensible pieces of sharable or replicable information. So most of my ideas are more of a feeling. As suggested in the movie Inception (a very authoritative source, I know), the simplest type of an idea translates into a feeling. This is because you cannot express what you are thinking, so you just FEEL it. Thinking about that idea makes you feel a certain way. This is when you start acting without rational thought. So, I think that by creating a blog, I will teach myself to mold these raw ideas into real, tangible ideas. I want to practice the disciple of articulating my ideas into words as a step to self discovery. As I mentioned earlier, I already have a pretty good idea about who I am, but I want to continue in my quest of self discovery. Getting to know oneself is something one should never give up on, even if you think you know yourself. I don't plan on complacency. I don't plan on staying the same size my whole life. Do you? I want to grow and learn and exceed what I think I already know about myself because I know that is possible. The sky is not the limit (continuing with pithy cliches). Is there a limit for human capacity? I don't think so. That's why God gave us free will.
So the first step is articulating my thoughts. The next step is seeing the consistencies or inconsistencies of my thoughts, which inevitably lead to my actions, and thus guide me to self discovery. One of my favorite Montaigne quotes says, "One gallant action, therefore, ought not to conclude a man valiant; if a man were brave indeed, he would be always so, and upon all occasions." By writing out my thoughts (and pondering my actions), hopefully I will begin to see the pattern by which I live my life. The real me will be exposed.
I feel that expressing who you really are in those tangible ideas I was talking about earlier is a problem for a lot of people. As Virginia Woolf articulates in "A Sketch of the Past," most autobiographies or memoirs prove this. She says, "The reason is that it is so difficult to describe any human being. So they say: 'This is what happened'; but they do not say what that person was like to whom it happened." Although I do believe that a person's outward actions reveal a person's inner character, you can't really, really know a person without knowing their motives for those actions, or their inner character. This journal will help me to articulate my inner character for myself.
I realize this is an ambitious project. Besides learning how to put my thoughts in some sort of form that actually makes sense (things seem to make more sense in my head haha), exposing my inner-most thoughts is exposing myself to the world. It makes me vulnerable, and frankly I don't like that. This already shows me something about myself; that I don't like being vulnerable. But, that is something I must work on if I want to really know myself. I must allow myself to be vulnerable to myself.
Well, now I must go back to my homework. (I'm reading the Tain which is an Irish epic- definitely recommend it if you like blood, action, and 'romance' or atleast thats what they called romance in their day.) I'm sure you are all very sad that I'm done rambling on for now. But don't worry I'll be back.
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